That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
