I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
