i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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