even my farts smell like vagina
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
