He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
