NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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