Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
