she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
