Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
