you would pick up someone in the library
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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