My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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