to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
