Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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