You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
