You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
