i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
