Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
3pm strippers are depressing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
