Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
