i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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