ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
