how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
