I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
