you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
