question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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