You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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