I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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