and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
