i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
