You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
