I look better un-naked...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
