Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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