Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
