May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
