VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
