i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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