when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
