Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
