He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
