I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
