You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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