I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
