I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
