my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
