If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
