her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
