I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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