He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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