Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
