I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your penis caused this!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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