By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
